My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
