Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
