He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
