She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
