so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
