I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
