I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
