This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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