Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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