whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
