my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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