her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His nipple licking is glorious
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