I think I died a long time ago.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize