Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
