dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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