I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
