he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
