Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
