If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize