I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
