does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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