I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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