You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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