i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
