Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
