Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
