Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
