he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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