I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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