I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
