tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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