Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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