so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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