I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
