Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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