After last night, I could never be a politician.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
