Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My penis needs a shock collar
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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