I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
