i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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