I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he just fucked me for my cheese..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
