You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
