the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
