how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
