I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
