I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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