i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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