similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
