The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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