Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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