smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
