God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
