Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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