She's JV to your varsity
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
