dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
try to milk me bitch
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