bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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