well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
