I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
