i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
