i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
