I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
