saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
