Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
