I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize