Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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