so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
