Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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