Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
