I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize