I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
