Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
