More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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