oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
