Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
