I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
