my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
